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Writer's pictureHollie Phillips

How do I know if I’ve triggered someone?

This next piece is going to be around triggers. What causes them, how do I recognise them and how do I help a friend who may have been triggered. Understanding triggers and what causes them plays such an important part in us managing our emotional reactions..and if you were here for the first part, you'll know that doesn't come easily to us! Please remember these are all based on my own personal experiences and the research I have done to learn more around my diagnosis.

What is a ‘trigger’?

A ‘trigger’ is caused by past trauma. When we go through a traumatic experience our body and mind has to find a way to cope with the situation and the feelings we are encountering. While faced with feelings of being helpless in a stressful situation, it can bring on ‘post traumatic stress reactions’. What does that mean? Well PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) can occur when a person has witnessed or been involved in a traumatic life experience and the brain hasn’t fully processed the trauma. Everyone's 'triggers' are different and are attached to their own traumatic events, they are extremely personal regardless of if someone else is aware of the trauma you have experienced. The most common experiences are flashbacks (feeling as though you are experiencing the trauma again), nightmares (not always solely of the event but manifestations of your subconscious thoughts of the event) and physical reactions (such as sweating, shaking, heart palpitations, blurred vision and nausea).



How can I help someone who’s been triggered?

So, you know someone who gets triggered easily or you've accidentally triggered someone? The first steps to helping someone who experiences these triggers is understanding the sort of person they are. Do they like personal space? Do they find being alone comforting? Do they find speaking openly easy or does it take its toll on them mentally? Understanding the basics of what makes them tic will more than likely help you provide comfort and reassurance when they are experiencing a 'trigger'.

Let's use me as an example. I do not like my personal space being invaded, that can be one of my 'triggers'. Unless I have broken that boundary with you and allowed you into the bubble, invading my personal space is a big no-no and makes my boundaries feel invalidated. If I am experiencing a 'trigger', cuddling and coddling me will not help me out of the flashback as this will only make me feel trapped (and as someone who also struggles with claustrophobia, you can imagine how that will only intensify the feelings of helplessness that come with a flashback/triggered event). I need time to process my feelings, quietly and alone more often than not. I don't want to talk about what I am seeing or feeling, but rather accept that its happening and internally remind myself that it can no longer hurt me. Now let's look at Jenny as an example. Jenny is experiencing a 'trigger' and we know that she responds well to physical contact as a form of comfort. The best way to approach this is by starting with a gentle touch somewhere such as the shoulder or the back and asking something simple like 'Jenny, are you okay as you seem a little out of sorts? Is there anything I can do to help you?'. By keeping the touch gentle and somewhere less intrusive you can avoid startling them if they are immersed in a flashback and could be shocked by a heavy hand grabbing theirs. This can act as a reminder that what they are seeing or feeling is not in the present and may help to bring them out of the flashback/dissociative state.


Some people may revert to 'age regression' (I will do a small piece covering this separately) as a form of self soothing after experiencing a flashback from a trigger. The most important thing to remember is not to force them to discuss their experience if they do not feel comfortable doing such as this could continue the negative thoughts an feelings and manifest into an episode of depression, or in some cases mania depending on that persons coping mechanisms.


How do I recognise a trigger?

As someone who experiences these events it gives me some help in recognising potential dissociative states but in complete honesty - there is no clear cut guide for you to follow. Everyone’s experiences are different and so their 'tells' won’t all be the same. To be able to answer this question with some kind of value, I asked the person closest to me if he can tell when I am experiencing a triggered flashback. We discussed the most recent event and discussed if/how he knew that I was having a dissociative episode.

We had been having a general conversation, (you know the chit chat you have while watching easy TV) and I had taken myself off for a shower. It was while I was having a shower that I started feeling myself zoning out into a 'daydream' like state (probably the easiest way to describe it). Although there was nothing memorable that caused the trigger, something had triggered a thought pattern that then led me down the path to a flashback. The only way for my mind to cope with the racing thoughts was to crouch down in the base of the shower and just let the hot water hit my skin. When he came to check on me and asked ‘are you okay?’ (there's that simple question we talked about), he could tell by the way my answers were short and slow, along with the very obvious physical give away that I was dealing with something mentally but didn’t want to pry (as I said before, knowing the person well is so important because I did NOT want to discuss my thought process or feelings at that time). This allowed me to self sooth, process it and come out of the dissociative state when I was mentally ready to do so. Not everyone will will have a 'physical' tell and not every situation allows for one.


There are two different types of triggers. The first, is an 'internal trigger' - this can come from a multitude of different internal factors. Physical pain, memories attached to trauma, emotions ranging from happiness to loneliness, anger and isolation. The second, is an 'external trigger' - these can be extremely hard to control as they are environmental factors. Things such as specific dates, certain locations that remind you of the trauma (doesn't necessarily have to be the same location as the original trauma), TV show's, new's articles, smell's such as aftershave or smoke and a person either involved in or attached to the trauma experienced. Although we know what triggers are and where they come from, we still don't know exactly HOW trigger's are formed within the brain. Some researchers believe that traumatic memories are stored differently in the brain to everyday memories. So when something reminds us of that, the mind believes it is a current event and not a memory - which in turn causes us to respond to the threat in fight or flight mode. Fight mode, someone may lash out and become aggressive and angry. Flight mode, they may retreat into a dissociative state to process the fear and feelings in a 'safe space' which is when you will normally see the 'dazed' look on their face. The most important thing to remember is that although the events were traumatic, this is our mind's way of trying to cope with it. Because it wasn't fully processed at the time, we see it in similar internal and external situations because our mind is trying to make sense of it. That is NORMAL. It is normal to try and make sense of it - so please do not feel ashamed or embarrassed if you experience any of the above or any variance of the above. Your experiences are valid, I know for myself that it is my mind's way of trying to validate the memories and if they are real - and that is OK.


Signing off...

Again if you stuck around until the end, thank you. I hope this helps to answer some of the questions you may have around triggers. As before, I am open to any topic suggestions you may have or questions you my want answering.


Until next time!

Hols




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1 Comment


neshsuart
Jun 13, 2020

You should be so proud of yourself. I’ve read through all . Written So beautifully much love Nesh x

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